A slice of self-acceptance
I was sitting with a friend over an enormous slice of chocolate cake, talking about the highs and lows of our lives.
We both felt the twenties were particularly significant for growing into ourselves. Call it a very long baptism of fire if you like… this was the decade of struggling for acceptance, finding out who you are and who you wanted to be, and facing up to the discrepancy between the two.
I suffered greatly from ‘approval-addiction-syndrome’, showing symptoms such as comparing myself to others and needing to compete with others in order to demonstrate my superiority! My life was a rollercoaster with more downs than ups, as I continued to allow myself to be defined by others.
A new me
It is only now, in my thirties, that I feel truly comfortable in my own skin. What works for me is to believe in my own uniqueness as a human being and be the best “me” I can possibly be.
Also, I am refusing to judge myself on the basis of my actions, and if I have not succeeded in a particular task it is simply just that and not that I am a failure. I now view my mistakes as part of being a fallible human being. I do not dismiss them, but instead, learn from them and put them into perspective.
I have also found it helpful to stop comparing myself with others. Believing I am unique has negated any need to do that.
All of this has led me to a new relationship with myself. I value myself so much more, and in doing so, I am able to value others. Not allowing myself to be defined by others has been extremely liberating.
Exercise the muscle
At times I revert to my old patterns of thinking but these occasions are few and far between and certainly have less impact. My downtimes are less frequent, less intense and shorter in duration than before. Like building up a muscle, self-acceptance takes time and effort, but the rewards are there for the taking.
Written by Lola Bailey. Posted on 2nd November.
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