How 2 make somebody feel loved
5 great ways to tell someone that you love them
One of my favourite scenes in film comes from Love Actually. It’s the one where Colin Firth and the Pretty Portuguese Girl say goodbye and tell each other how they feel – he in English and she in Portuguese. My romantic tendencies tell me it’s beautiful because their love seems to transcend the language barrier. But realistically, for all they know the other person could be saying anything and it might not be romantic at all!
Have you ever felt like you’re speaking with someone you love but not understanding each other? Like you’re desperately trying to make them see you love them but they’re not getting it? Well, read on to find out how to give them that warm, tingly feeling so many songs have tried to describe…
1. Say something nice
Affirming words are a great way for somebody to know exactly how we feel about them. Try “you look great” or “thanks for all your hard work today” or “I really appreciate you” or, of course, “I love you.” Don’t just assume somebody knows you think that stuff – say it!
2. Spend time with them
Time is really underrated – it’s so easy to give and can go a long way to making somebody feel loved. Everyone says they don’t have enough of it, yet somehow we all find time to eat every day. Spending quality time with your loved one should be as important as that. Set aside time in your diary for seeing someone who you know needs to feel loved, and stick to it! Show them they’re more important than a meeting or a computer game.
3. Do something helpful
So you’ve noticed your mum’s car desperately needs washing, or your neighbour’s lawn needs mowing, or the clothes need ironing… do it! Having just one job taken off their hands will be an immense relief and it shows them you appreciate and care for them.
4. Give something lovely
Everyone loves receiving presents. Giving a gift is a really thoughtful way to let somebody know you love them. Send chocolate in the post or order surprise flowers. It doesn’t have to cost the earth – make a cake or treat a colleague to a cup of coffee on a grey day.
5. Hug it out!
A hug, a back rub, a friendly pat on the shoulder – all are designed to encourage, to show affection and to affirm. Physical touch can be a very powerful way of loving somebody. A friend once told me that during difficult times in life, she and her husband made a point of spending a few minutes each morning just being in each others’ arms. Incredible strength can be drawn simply from being held.
Getting through the language barrier
Author Dr Gary Chapman calls these ‘The Five Love Languages’. In his book he explains that most people respond to one language particularly strongly. By taking the time to identify which one your partner (or whoever) speaks, you can make an amazing difference to your relationship. You’ll start to understand why, after an argument, your wife doesn’t just melt into your arms when you try to hug her (she’s waiting for you to tell her you’re sorry). Or why your husband didn’t thank you for washing and ironing his shirts (he’d rather you had been out walking with him spending quality time together).
At the end of Love Actually, both Colin Firth and the Pretty Portuguese Girl have learned the basics of each others’ languages. They haltingly declare their love for each other and of course, it ends happily. Yes, it’s a lesson from a Richard Curtis movie, but it’s one worth learning!
Written by Clare Reay.
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