Feeling guilty
Guilt can be a good thing, because it makes us put things right, but it can be self-destructive too.
The truth is that many of us feel guilty. Sometimes we’re not sure why or what about, we just do.
False guilt
Often in the aftermath of a terrible accident, people blame themselves. The fact that you weren’t there at the time, or could not have prevented what took place in the split second that it happened, makes no difference. In an abusive relationship, the abused person mistakenly feels they deserve the humiliation and disrespect because they must have done something wrong.
It can be easier to believe that you’re to blame, rather than accepting the realities of a random accident or that you were the victim of another’s violence. This is false guilt. The sad thing is that false guilt has the power to ruin your life.
True guilt
Sometimes we live with the fact that we were to blame and the guilt we feel is real. In situations like these, people can deliberately put themselves in a place where they will be caught in order to avoid living with the guilt anymore.
We all have ‘skeletons in the closet’ and we carry the burden of them every day. Things we shouldn’t have done but did, things we should have done but didn’t. We think that such guilt can only be dealt with by punishment and we cannot tell anyone because others would be hurt if the truth came out, so we choose to punish ourselves in ways little or large.
Guilt that cripples
Guilt that lasts for years can cripple relationships, can wither the essence of the person and make them a shadow of their former self.
A few years ago, a link was discovered between bitterness and, in those with a propensity for it, rheumatoid arthritis. Heart conditions can be made worse by stress and unresolved anger. And guilt can be a contributing factor in mental illness.
Guilt that heals
If we become convinced that something is wrong in such a way that we put it right, then by acknowledging our wrong-doing and seeking forgiveness, we are set free.
Some things cannot always be easily restored and publicly confessing our secret wrongs can cause others harm. Guilt that heals does not necessarily mean spilling the beans, but living differently and constructively.
Free from guilt
Whatever we feel guilty for – whether genuine or false – there is the possibility of freedom.
Written by Richard Hardy. Posted on 2nd November.
Digg it
Reddit
Delicious
Stumble It!
Furl it
