A daughter's pain
I was 10. What can a 10 year-old do to make their dad stay with them?
Not a lot, it seems.
I remember the day so clearly. We were at the Gower, our favourite holiday place. We stopped by a gate overlooking a field and Dad told us he was leaving.
I remember staring at a cattle grid and under it I saw a dead squirrel. The image is still with me. Maybe it’s because something died in me that day.
I sat in the car, thinking maybe I hadn’t made Dad enough cups of coffee. Would he have stayed if I had? What if I had eaten all of my dinner instead of pushing it all out to the side of the plate? Would he have stayed then?
Memories
Dad married someone else who didn’t like kids. Their marriage lasted 18 months. I was upset when she went, but didn’t understand why I was so upset considering she was the reason Dad left us.
Later on Dad told me he was seeing someone new. My heart sank. I didn’t want to meet someone else if they were just going to walk in and out of my life again. But I met her and liked her. She is really caring and has something interesting to say every time. I never felt guilty for liking her.
My mum is my number one support. I wouldn’t swap her for the world; so diplomatic yet so honest with what was going on. She never put Dad down in front of us.
Letter to Dad
I wrote to Dad and let Mum read it. She cried, and said maybe I should change a few things. I didn’t change a single word. It made Dad cry and it made me cry. We sat down for a long time talking it over. From that day on he made more of an effort with me and I didn’t have to bottle up my feelings any more.
At 20 I have a better understanding of it all. But what I don’t understand is - why is Dad with someone very, very similar to my mum? Why leave us for someone just like her?
Although it hasn’t been the best relationship, I know that if I was in trouble Dad would be one of the first people I’d turn to, and he would be there for me.
Posted on 7th November.
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Furl itPosted 07.11.07
