More Shrek than Cinderella
Today would have been our 7 year wedding anniversary.
We met at 18, and started dating when we were 19. One day he told me he would be there for me no matter what. I fell in love. We got married when we were 21. He was a drummer, a charmer, tall, dark and handsome – just like the fairytale.
Settling into married life was hard. We struggled to balance work, voluntary commitments, finances and quality time together.
It wasn’t long before we had our first child (Joseph) and we were shocked to find out he had a rare genetic disorder which means he is partially-sighted. Life was tough for a while but I thought we’d get through.
I never thought it would happen to me
Joseph was only 10 months old when he decided to leave. He didn’t want the pressure, the responsibility. He didn’t want the life we had. I wasn’t what he wanted. Singleness seemed more inviting.
I was devastated! I thought I was loved, chosen. I felt significant because I was married. Now I felt discarded, rejected and like someone had died.
People can be quick to judge and I received lots of advice during this time. Although well-meaning, all I really wanted was for someone to baby-sit so I could sleep; or cook me dinner so I didn’t have to.
Instead of people asking me how I was it seemed normal for people to ask “so how’s your marriage?” I felt like a failure!
We eventually divorced and I started picking up the pieces of my broken life.
Life after love
I guess I can look back over all the hurt, pain and loneliness and be thankful. I am thankful that I am still alive to tell my story. I am thankful for my faith and the times of peace I’ve experienced. I am thankful that I know more about who I am and who I want to be. I have learned to forgive and I’ve probably learned more about real love in the process. I’ve learned about the joy and pain of parenting alone.
I am thankful for my son and the immense joy he brings to my life. I used to make Joseph my excuse for not doing things, but now I’ve realised that I can do things but I just have to do them differently. It’s harder but we have shared so many wonderful experiences, including a trip to Disney world and working in an orphanage together.
We’re almost 5 years on and I have hope for our future. It may not look like I imagined and there may only be 2 of us but we are still a family! I will always be thankful for that.
Written by Rachel. Posted on 13th November.
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