The Single files
I wish there was a better word for ‘single’… believe me I have tried to find one! So forgive the use of that word, but anyhow… if you are one, read on! And if you’re not one, also read on. These are a few scattered extracts from a chapter on Single Living from my book Trend interwoven with some current thoughts…
Changing Story
Being single has, until very recently, gone against the cultural norm. The good news is... the times they are a-changing! Society is radically re-thinking singleness in the light of the rapid increase in the single population and the diversity within.
It is estimated that by 2010 over half the UK population will be single and that the proportion of households headed by a single person will rise to 40%. Articles in contemporary magazines are carrying titles like, 'The Singles Epidemic' and ‘Strong, Happy and Single’. The singleton no longer needs to feel ashamed about her/his status or dream up stories of a partner to impress work colleagues. It is now officially trendy to be single and increasingly credible to be celibate.
This definite shift reveals the discovery of 'choice' and recognises too, the growing number of lone parents. Women are also leaving childbirth until later, choosing to get their careers off the ground first. And as well as marrying later in life, another possible reason could be the pessimism about marriage - there are just too many bad examples!
The biggest increase is among affluent men and women under the age of 35 who have never married.
This means that the consumer profile and social demands of single people are increasing; something which the advertising, leisure and marketing moguls have quickly caught on to. Housing complexes geared to singles are being built, complete with bars and gyms; the range of ready meals in supermarkets is expanding; books, films and television programmes featuring single characters are becoming commonplace; singles holidays and dating agencies proliferate.
It is estimated that 1 in 5 single people use dating agencies.
The S Word
There are a multiplicity of pressures facing single people, and one of the most crucial is the whole arena of sexuality. Sexual images and adventures bombard us from every angle. If we are to believe the 'bump ‘n’ grind' stimuli of music and the bodytalk of videos, then to be fully alive one has to be fully sexually active.
Romance surrounds us, the 'couple syndrome' often dominates social etiquette and condom machines stare at us from most public conveniences! This global message of hormonal happiness poses a crisis for the single person not in a sexual relationship, who is left to feel alienated and abnormal. Does this mean that if you are single then you are non-sexual?
Our orgasm-orientated world has narrowed the definition of sexuality and directly linked it to being sexually active. But if you take a more holistic view, sexuality is all about expressing who we are, our personality, character, image, and not solely our biological anatomy and usage of that anatomy.
Sexuality is not wrapped up in belonging to one person and being single does not mean that the individual is non-sexual.
Society has 'sexualised' sexuality and attached an automatic orgasm-obsession to it. Elaine Storkey in her book,‘The Search For Intimacy’, affirms ”only one aspect of our sexuality is expressed in sexual intercourse. We can also express it in warmth and touch, in closeness and care for the other persons who are dear to us. If in our lives there is no sexual union with another, we are no less fully human and fully sexual.”
More to follow...
Read part 2
Written by Sue Rinaldi. Posted on 13th November.
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