The Single files # 02
I wish there was a better word for ‘single’… believe me I have tried to find one! So forgive the use of that word, but anyhow… if you are one, read on! And if you’re not one, also read on. These are a few scattered extracts from a chapter on ‘single living’ from my book ‘Trend’ interwoven with some current thoughts…
Sue Rinaldi
Intimacy
We are all made for relationship. To give and receive friendship and journey with others through seasons or decades or maybe even just for a few months or days. Living single does not eliminate you or disqualify you from entering a deep level of human interaction and heart exchange.
Elaine Storkey once commented that “single adults are more intimacy starved than sexually deprived”. The aim is to form friendships of honesty and vulnerability, and marriage is not necessarily the magic password for intimacy! In fact, there are many lonely people who are married.
Radical Family
Traditionally the word 'family' has included blood and marital relatives. However, this leaves little room for the single person, particularly one who may have little blood family remaining or one who may live miles from their family home. The feelings of alienation and isolation can be overwhelming and surely, in the light of the increasing singles’ population, there needs to be some enlightenment surrounding the word family.
There are, however, increasing examples of single people feeling part of a family, not out of pity, but out of genuine appreciation for who they are. They have influence within the family relationships, they are role models for the children and together radical family can be outworked in an egalitarian and sharing way. Inclusivity based on friendship and appreciation bears fruit not only for the single person, but for each member of the family.
It also models to the world something extremely precious. Everybody wants and needs somewhere to belong - in fact the desire to belong is central to the heart of humanity - and an inclusive household can provide a homely environment to a variety of people. If this were more prevalent, then maybe there would be a greater sense of community and goodwill and maybe there would be a lot less loneliness.
A New Partnership?
The increase in the singles' population may also give rise to a new partnership; single people living together, not simply as flat-mates or lodgers but as companions. This decision by consenting adults to model respect, trust, mutual responsibility and financial commitment under one roof may even be relatively long term, but ultimately a non-binding agreement.
This 'new partnership' could change the negative stigma so often attached to a life of singleness and living out this model may one day be considered an equal and viable alternative to any other form of commitment.
We are living in a ‘choice’ culture and single people need to feel they are active participants and not hard-pressed victims. Singleness should be promoted positively as an equal option and should never automatically be interpreted as a lonely existence OR a relational vacuum. Yes, single living may have many flaws, but so does marriage!
Photo by Annabel Goodden
Written by Sue Rinaldi.
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