Tired, achey, weary
Chronic fatigue can hit any of us at any time.
I had a bad bill of health in my twenties. One virus after the other. Plenty of tests, plenty of inconclusive results. Lots of symptoms that seemed quite woolly.
My husband still teases me about the words he found on the search engine history of our computer one day when he came home: tired, achey, weary. But that’s what I was. Very.
Frequently he would come home to me in my pyjamas and in tears. Desperate. Feeling useless.
Unable to work
Despite numerous appointments, blood tests and days off I was none the wiser, on reduced pay at work and feeling like I had to prove to the world just how ill I felt. Although no one had said they didn’t believe me, I felt paranoid that the people around me might think I was a fraud. I would go back to work only to be sent home again, weepy, exhausted and tired.
I was physically unable to make it through a full working day. I was too well for a complete bed rest, but too weak and foggy headed to make it through a day in the office. I wondered when this cycle would end. Deep down I didn’t believe it ever would. I felt unhealthy, unattractive, grey, unsociable, isolated, jealous of my husband’s health, guilty that I was letting everyone down, weak, and bored.
Savour the small stuff
Gradually, I learned to live for each day. Some were good, some were terrible. But I learned to ride them. Stepping out of the routine of working life, I learnt to savour and treasure the small stuff. A bath, a telephone conversation, a book, a nice sandwich, an email.
A wise colleague at the time advised me to try to achieve something little in the day if I could, something that I may not have had the time or opportunity to do otherwise. So I made cakes.
I talked to the old lady who lived opposite. In three years living opposite her I had never before stopped to chat. I didn’t know her name was Jan. I rode this illness for about two years. Many of those days I think I felt as old as Jan. Some people battle with it for months, even years.
It could be you
Chronic fatigue can hit any of us at any time. It affects about 1 in 300 people in the UK It doesn’t have neat lines, obvious prescriptions, or a clear end time. As with many other health troubles, none of us are immune to the possibility, although women are more prone and the most common age of onset is 20-40 years old.
If you have a friend or family member who is struggling… listen to them, don’t get bored of reassuring them that you believe them and be patient with them. Understand how hard it is for you and for them.
If this is you, see a doctor. Get second opinions, or third. Believe in your recovery. Be patient. And don’t blame yourself. For more information on Chronic Fatigue, try the following links*:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/medical_notes/1002458.stm
(* These links are to external websites. The content of these websites is not neccessarily endorsed by Looking at life.)
Written by Emma Coffey.
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