Everybody's doing it
Everywhere you look sex is in your face – in adverts, on the TV, in the papers, and all over the internet.
It seems that everyone must be doing it and having a great time, so what happens when things aren’t going well for me? We are immersed in a culture of sexual image and freedom, but where can we go and feel safe to talk about sex in a helpful way?
I certainly couldn’t have talked to my parents about it and I didn’t want my friends to know about the ups and downs (oops unintentional pun!) of my sex life. It’s very personal. None of us want to admit that things aren’t going well in case we are judged inadequate or unattractive.
Yet few sexual relationships run smoothly especially when you factor in tiredness, pregnancy, disturbed nights with young children, ill health and sexual dysfunction which can affect quite a significant number of people.
Here are some simple tips which you may find useful:
Talk about it
Learn to talk openly and respectfully to your partner about your sexual relationship. Listen carefully. Consider:
- Expectations – how often do you expect to do it?
- Is it always necessary for lovemaking to culminate in intercourse?
- Does it have to be spontaneous or can it be carefully planned? Is it about giving or receiving pleasure or both? How important is foreplay for you?
- What do you enjoy, the things that give pleasure or help you to relax – tell each other.
- Gently say what doesn’t work for you, but do it lovingly. We can be easily hurt.
Make love all day
- The way we treat each other at all times will affect the way we feel about making love – being aware of each other, showing care and concern, the gentle kiss on the back of the neck or the shoulder massage after a tired day can all be part of feeling close sexually.
- Our sexual relationship can’t be divorced from the rest of our relationship. If we aren’t communicating or feel distant, uncomfortable or angry with each other we can’t expect our love making to be wonderful.
Remember...
- Remember, men are often like gas ovens, switch them on and they are ready to go, while women are often more like electric ovens and need time to warm up first!
- Make allowances for tiredness, ill health and big life changes like parenthood, redundancy etc.
- Always try and maintain a sense of humour!
- If things are still not going well, then consider talking to your doctor or a sexual therapist. Over 10% of men are affected at some time in their lives by such conditions as premature ejaculation or erectile dysfunction (impotence). The causes can be physiological or psychological, but most cases can be treated successfully.
And finally...
Good sex can take time and effort, but it’s worth it!
Written by Dave and Liz Percival. Posted on 3rd January.
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