Get real, girls!
Kev Kennedy has a message from men for lonely lasses everywhere.
You either love or you hate Bridget Jones.
For me, it’s the latter. I have a good reason – personally I think she typifies the wishy-washy fantasy romantic ideal that so many women are suckered into. And I think it’s a bad thing.
The myth of Mr Perfect
You know the sort of thing – someday ‘the one’ will appear, to whisk you off your feet. He’ll be tall, but not too tall, enigmatic, yet open, good-looking, yet modest, courageous, yet shy etc. etc. Here’s a news flash. This mythical Mr Perfect doesn’t exist. But waiting for him to appear is a good reason why so many ‘lonely ladies’ will stay lonely.
I’ve had conversation after conversation with women who say they desperately want to have a boyfriend/partner/husband but reject every possible suitor because they don’t match up to their fantasy ideal. One of my friends actually had a list – a physical, written list of what would constitute a perfect man.
Double standards
I think what irks me most about this is that if, as a guy, I rejected women on the basis that “I have high standards” (seriously, I’ve heard women say this), then I’d be roundly condemned as shallow. But my friend can say “I want someone taller than me” as if it’s okay to demand certain physical features. Well, in that case, you can’t have a go at any unreconstructed male who insists he only wants a bird with big bazookas. It’s the same thing, ladies.
When the daydream takes over
“But what’s wrong with having a daydream fantasy?” I hear you ask. Well, nothing, if that’s all it is. But when the daydream starts to control your waking life, then actually you aren’t far off delusional behaviour. And ‘waiting for the one’ is the kind of fantasy that is controlling – it will turn you into a picky consumer, judging on the basis of looks and superficial first impressions, and putting yourself first.
Look again
The thing is you might be missing out on a gem hidden in the coal. There are very few of us men who are drop-dead gorgeous heart-throbs. So, speaking for normal blokes everywhere – stop making us jump through hoops. We have to accept you with all your foibles, but we still have to be your white knight? Come on, that’s hardly fair.
Take another look at the chubby guy in your office. Maybe he’s a fantastic cook. The quiet guy who hardly speaks to anyone? Maybe his secret ambition is to be a painter or a poet. The annoying guy who makes the lame jokes all the time? He might just be the next internet billionaire.
I’d add that if you prefer the fantasy dreamboat to the real people around you, then the person you’ll harm the most is yourself. Your ability to form a real relationship with a real person will be severely compromised. And then, ironically, if the ‘one’ did show up you wouldn’t be able to make it work with him anyway.
What do you think of Kev's point of view? Discuss!
Written by Kev Kennedy. Posted on 10th January.
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