The Art of Criticism
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Our Survey results show that criticism is a sure fire way to knock someone’s confidence. So how can we soften the blow?
Constructive criticism is an important part of life – we all have room for improvement, in both work and relationships. A kind word is a real confidence booster, but harsh criticism can be difficult to handle. We’re all responsible for the words we speak, so it’s worth taking some time to learn the art of constructive criticism.
How to give it
- Hold your tongue
– think about the outcome you want to see from this conversation. Are you just venting your frustrations about someone’s failure? Wait until you have some constructive advice to offer before you point out their mistakes. - Put yourself in their shoes
– if YOU were about to receive feedback, how would you like to hear it? What would help you feel at ease? Give your criticism they way you yourself would like to hear it. - Be generous
– you don’t know what kind of day they’ve had. - Frame your criticism
- Some call this the ‘sandwich’ technique. Start and end the conversation with positive words. Make a positive remark about the person’s behaviour or performance. Then address the issue at hand. Make sure the conversation ends with a clear strategy on how to avoid repeating the mistake, and affirm the person’s strengths. Not only is this a kinder approach, it’s also more effective! The criticism is more likely to be taken on board when the person feels valued and respected. - Be encouraging
– the aim of constructive criticism should be to enable the person to build on their strengths. Discuss the error whilst encouraging the person. But remember – be genuine! Dressing up criticism with fake compliments will only add insult to injury. If you can’t think of a sincere encouragement to give, you’re probably not the right person to offer criticism. - Listen
– don’t just say your piece and leave. Everyone likes to know they have been heard and their perspective is valued. It’s a conversation, not an attack!
Now turn it around – if you’re on the receiving end, even well-delivered criticism can be difficult to handle! If you find yourself brooding on the confrontation, try to bear these things in mind.
How to take it
- Keep it in perspective
If someone has criticised something you have done or said, remember that they are not commenting on your value as a person. You are so much more than your work or the success of your relationships – your identity does not depend on your ability.
- Talk about it
Most of our survey respondents said that words of affirmation are a fantastic way to make us feel better. Find a trusted friend and get some reassurance. It’s always good to be reminded of our strengths when we begin to doubt ourselves.
- Protect yourself
Choose who you will trust. Test the criticism against advice you have been given from those you respect, and surround yourself with people who will be honest, kind and fair.
- Don’t dwell on it
Imagine that your mistake was done by someone else, and think about what they can do to learn from it and move on. Then do it.
Written by Becky Williams. Posted on 31st January.
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