Friends after marriage
"We're getting married and we want you to celebrate with us"
...but what happens to your friends after the wedding? How do you deal with changing friendships as you settle into life as a married person?
Yes, it really is a life sentence.
It started to sink in a couple of weeks ago. I would be sharing my life, home, dreams, friends and Nintendo Wii with the same person until one or other of us ends up shuffling off our mortal coil. That’s the rough idea, anyway. Of course, everyone knows the approximate content of the wedding vows. They have been played out countless times in films and on television, but getting to say them for real is quite an awesome (meant in the proper and non-american sense) experience.
We’re all behind you!
Part of the joy of your marriage ceremony, whether religious or civil, is getting to share it with your friends and family. These people are there to stand with you and, just as you are promising a lifetime’s commitment to your beloved, they are implicitly promising you a lifetime of support and advice (often bizarre, but usually well meant). What is less obvious is that, through the process of getting married, you are saying to these people that your relationship with them will change forever.
I love my wife very much. I guess that might explain why I married her. I also love my friends and family, but had actually given very little thought to how my marriage would affect them. Because it does affect them. It’s not just about an evening of free cake and mildly embarrassing dancing before everything returns to normal. It is about a fundamental shift in priorities.
Taking the time
A new marriage takes time to settle down, especially if you have not lived with your partner prior to the wedding. You literally have to work out everything, from how much money you’re prepared to spend at the supermarket to what constitutes a decent programme worth watching on the television (Doctor Who is allowed, but X Factor is banned).
Time is extremely important. Life is busy enough, and you have to consciously set aside the hours you are going to spend with your other half. This is both a pleasure and an act of will, as you perhaps have to turn down some of the social engagements that, prior to marriage, you would have attended without so much as a second thought.
It won’t be easy…
Your friends might, in the early days, start to wonder why they have been abandoned! If they were one of your confidantes prior to the wedding, they may actually be upset that you no longer use their ears as your primary listening service. If some of your friends happen to be single, then it is important to be sensitive and not flash your wedding ring about too much! Give your friends some time and space to figure out how they fit back into the new jigsaw of your married life. Don’t force them straight back in to their old position but do let them know, in whatever ways you can, that the picture still won’t be complete without them.
Written by Laurence Shone. Posted on 26th February.
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