Mr Oliver's life of stress
When he's not sharing insights at our Better than alright events, David Oliver is taking The Stress Survival Guide on tour across the UK with Care for the Family.
So what does David have to say for himself about his own stressful life?
What do you do?
I’m a rent-a-mouth. I speak to audiences and corporate businesses across the world, I’ve written 9 books, I write seminars and events, giving people insights. I run a business called ‘Insight Marketing’, which runs training and company courses on sales, marketing, leadership, and work/life balance.
What are the recurring causes of stress in your life?
When the family were growing up there was the constant stress of wanting to give enough quality time to the kids while balancing work and other commitments. Finance can be a stress. My work load is often stressful – writing the stress event was a very stressful experience! It’s the whole paradox of preaching the ideal and living in the real – it makes you very aware of your shortcomings.
How can you tell when you’re under stress?
These are common signs, and all ones that I’ve experienced personally:
- Tummy pain
- Spots
- Increased heart rate
- Irritability with loved ones
- Anger or depression (A helpful distinction I’ve found is this: anger often comes from a goal that’s thwarted. Depression arises from feeling that the goal is unachievable.)
How do you deal with stress?
I keep a pen and a block of paper by my bed. Every time an anxious thought comes into my head, I write it down. Getting it out of my head and on to paper gives me some peace. And when I look at it in the morning, it’s always with a much more realistic perspective.
I have 1 or 2 close friends that I share the load with. There is a couple who mentor me, and when I feel that I am overly stressed, when I’m in a crisis, I will ring them and offload. This has been invaluable in my life, I wish I’d known it when I was 30.
How have you seen stress affect your relationships?
When I’m tired, one mistake I often make is to say unnecessarily unkind or discouraging words. When I speak like this to my wife, the effect on her is tangible – her shoulders visibly crumple. After 30 years of marriage, my wife and I have found ways to help each other when we are under pressure. If we are both feeling stressed, my wife will say: ‘We need to remember to speak well to each other right now’.
We all say unkind and unfair things to our close ones. Trigger points abound when we are tired! Saying sorry doesn’t undo the damage in itself, but it starts the relational re-connection. It’s always helpful to say “I’m sorry, I have no excuses, but this is why I’m reacted, it’s because I am feeling stressed, tired and under pressure.”
Give us something to go on with...
One of my mentors had a phrase: “This year’s stretching is next year’s relaxation”.
The struggles that you go through and the way it stretches you increases your capacity for future situations and experiences.
Fancy hearing some more practical ideas for dealing with stress?
David Oliver will be taking ‘The Stress Survival Guide’ on tour to a town near you from April 15th to May 1st. Click here for more details and to book your ticket.
Need some down-to-earth advice on dealing with stress right now? Read this...
David Oliver was interviewed by Becky Williams
Written by Becky Williams. Posted on 19th March.
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