I'm pregnant! Now what?
If you're pregnant, you've probably got lots of questions, concerns, and 'what if's on your mind. Ever wish someone would sit you down and tell you what it's really like? Becky Morgan spoke to Looking at Life about the ups and downs of her recent pregnancy.
How did you feel when you found out you were pregnant?
It wasn’t planned, but we were planning on having children around that time anyway. We were both extremely excited! But it didn’t really hit us until we had our scan at 12 weeks. I remember my husband Phil said ‘I now believe you’re pregnant!’ Money didn’t enter our minds at the time, even though we’ve struggled since. To us it was a gift and we just ran with it.
What were your fears early on?
I never really felt at ease throughout the pregnancy. I must admit, I even thought ‘what if we have the first scan and there’s nothing there?’ Each time I was afraid they might find something wrong. As for actually becoming a mother, I couldn’t imagine myself ever getting into a routine with my baby, but when you become a parent it does gradually slot into place. In college I did a child development course – obviously it’s not the same thing but I did feel more at ease about being a parent.
How has life changed for you?
Things are different, you can’t pop to the shops or go out for a drink, but I haven’t seen it as a negative. I wouldn’t say I miss that old life. It’s awkward to go out, which is slightly frustrating, but we’re fortunate because my mum’s fairly local. People scare you, saying your life’s going to completely change, but it’s for something so amazing that it’s a positive change.
Where did you find support?
You can get midwives who are brilliant and ones that are not so good. Mine wasn’t that great, so to be honest I bounced off other pregnant people, and that helped more than reading a book. I became close friends with people who I knew because they happened to be pregnant at the same time as me, because we could talk through everything. Every pregnancy is different! But it’s good to think, ‘this is normal, it’s not just me.’
How did being pregnant affect your relationship?
I completely went off sex during the pregnancy. I felt totally unsexy, with this big bump and stretch marks. I was also much more emotional, bursting into tears for no reason, my hormones all over the place. When I was first pregnant and I was really moody, Phil couldn’t deal with it. But he spoke to other fathers, read books, and gradually realised that this was normal, and became more understanding as the pregnancy continued. Tiredness makes everything harder, but I wouldn’t say our marriage suffered; if anything it brought us closer together. Talking about having our baby gave us a real sense of togetherness and strengthened our marriage.
What advice would you give others who are pregnant?
Being relaxed in your pregnancy is only a good thing. I spent a lot of time worrying, but you can’t change anything by worrying about it. Deal with challenges when you come to them instead of imagining the worst. I worried about every twinge, but now I know it was normal, I think I’ll be much more laid back with the next one. If you are concerned, do talk to the midwife. Also, if you have a partner, try to get him involved by talking things through with him. As a woman it's all on you until the birth, and the man can feel pushed aside. But ask your partner for support; you’re in it together.
Are there still ‘taboo’ subjects around pregnancy?
I was petrified about labour. People don’t want to scare you, but nobody prepared me for how long or painful it would be. But then no one knows how it will work out for you, so it might be unnecessary to share stories because it might not be like that for you. I would advise attending antenatal classes, they cover a lot and you can ask questions. We only went to two, but I wish we could have gone to more because I think it would have helped. But everything is worth it. I know it’s a cliché, but when the baby is born there’s an instant love that you can’t describe.
Read Through a Dad's eyes for a new dad's perspective
Written by Becky Matyus. Posted on 29th September.
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