Netmums on relationships
If you're a parent, your bundle of joy can be more like a grenade lobbed into the middle of your life. It explodes everything you used to know and be. Hopefully, though, when you’ve got over the initial shock, all your pieces fit together in a new way that makes everything even better than before.
However, even though 77% of mums told a recent Netmums survey that having children has strengthened their love for their partner, 39% also said their relationship was one of their biggest stresses.
But I’m sooooooooooooo tired
That bone-deadening exhaustion of the early days goes. But kids still sap your energy. It’s easy to put your relationship on the back burner when you’re so knackered you feel numb. Similarly, being tired can often lead to being ratty. And of course it’s our partner who’s usually the brunt of bad moods.
Time, what time?
You might be more tired than you’ve ever imagined possible – but you’re also busier than ever before, too. Jo, a mum of two from Hampshire explains:
"Nothing can prepare you for the sheer amount of effort and time children take up. And that’s time taken away from you as a couple. It’s like, there are the kids and then everything else is just maintenance."
Whether you’re back at work or a stay at home mum, life with kids gets so full it’s easy to let the two of you get squeezed out.
No sex please, we’re parents
Kids are a great contraceptive. Feeling tired-out and time-harried isn’t conducive to swinging from the chandeliers. And the threat of a small person wandering in when you’re mid-throes isn’t exactly an aphrodisiac either. But – and here’s the sheer sod’s law of it all – sex helps create the intimacy your relationship so badly needs.
Ah, that's why I'm with him
All the stresses and strains outlined above mean it's easy to get swallowed up by life. But it's just as important to remember to come back up for air sometimes and give your relationship time off for good behaviour.
This is all very well, but how are you supposed to do this when you're currently a strong contender for the title of UK's busiest mum? Thankfully, small steps really do go a long way. And, as ever, it's other mums who are on hand with great advice:
If you ever get a quiet moment, imagine life without him. Whilst bathing in this glow of love and gratitude, call him, text him, whatever, and tell him how important he is. It's not wine and roses but it helps when you don't have time for much more.
- Nicky, Kent
Just remember to be affectionate and loving to him as you go about the day. The odd kiss here and there doesn't go amiss. And it's good for the kids to see how a good relationship works.
- Mandy, Middlesex
Switch off the telly and take 10 minutes to sit and eat dinner together over the table for once rather than always slumping on the sofa with a plate on your lap. it might not be dinner for two at a swanky restaurant but it automatically gives you time to concentrate on each other.
- Sam, Surrey
Set up a babysitting circle with other mums so you can get out more often. If money's tight, you could just go for a drive, a walk around the block - anything to get you out of the house together.
- Annie, Hertfordshire
Source: Netmums.
Read one mum's thoughts on making time for your other half
Written by Netmums. Posted on 6th October.
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