Family Guy
What should you expect in the first year of being a Dad? Well, the first year starts before your new born child pops out.
I became a Dad when my wife came to me and said “I’m pregnant”. That was when I started giving my head and heart to the idea of being a Dad, and believe me you need more than nine months to get your head round it. It truly is life changing.
It is a bit of a cliché, but nothing can totally prepare you for what will happen to your life when your baby is born. That is not to say that you should not try to prepare. The pregnancy gave me time to think about the question “What kind of Dad do I want to be?” You may have the perfect role model in your Dad and you may not, you may feel totally ready to be a Dad and you may not. Whatever you think, it is important to be real with yourself and your partner and talk about it. Hopefully your partner will be able to help you work through all these things, and you can decide together what kind of parents you want to be.
Imperfect parenting
As a parent, you are partly responsible for shaping your child’s life… for the rest of its life. Is that pressure or what! You may have a chance to swot up on the perfect bath technique and develop the ultimate free-range, organic, super brain food menu to give your child, or like me you may not. For me, mistakes and worry are as much a feature of being a Dad as joy and pride. The two words that help me to express the highs and lows of Fatherhood are Homer Simpson’s “Woohoo” and “D’oh”. I may not be the first to tell you that just like Homer, you will be far from perfect.
And here is another revelation – your child won’t be perfect either. The specifics of the ‘nature or nurture’ debate will rage on, but my little girl was born with a personality. Just like you can sometimes encounter miserable or happy adults, I have discovered that babies can be exactly the same. This child could lay to waste all of your strategies and leave you an emotional wreck, or worse still it could turn you into one of those smug parents who you avoid at all costs.
Being the best Dad you can be
I remember my Dad saying to me that all he wanted for me was for me to be better, to have better and to do better than he did. I think it’s an admirable attitude. There are no perfect “one size fits all” plans or strategies for being a good parent. You only have to see the hundreds of books full of (sometimes conflicting) advice on lots of different issues to realise that. It’s about playing the best game you can with the cards that you are dealt.
One of the most important things I’ve learned is this: being the best Dad you can be requires you to support Mum to do the best she can too. Be patient!!! You are both adjusting to one of the biggest changes of your life, adjusting to new roles and working at something together. Remember that your partner is now not only 'mother', but may have other roles - wife, lover, friend, boss etc. Even if you aren’t living together, this mutual support will be a great advantage to you both as parents. Remind her that she is important in all those roles and support her to be whatever she wants. Hopefully she will support you in a similar way.
Good luck.
Written by Matt Thomas. Posted on 18th February.
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