Accepting praise: the key to confidence
If you feel your confidence is a bit low, and it needs a boost, here’s a proven way to increase your self-esteem: learn to accept praise. You may feel that it’s not easy to do, but it is one of the best ways to feel better about yourself, feel more confident and achieve your dreams as a result. Here is an ABC guide to learning how to accept praise.
A ~ Acknowledge compliments
Many of us feel automatically embarrassed when someone tells us something nice about ourselves. But whether it’s acknowledging a job well done, or that we look nice in a particular jumper, acknowledging the compliment is the first step to accepting praise.
The alternative is self-destructive. I know people who will take every negative word anyone ever says to them as gospel. If someone says they’re useless - even in jest - they will believe it. But if someone compliments them, they will get all embarrassed and refuse to accept it.
And if you don’t acknowledge compliments they will dry up. I know one couple where the guy never compliments his wife on how she looks. “I’ve tried that and she refuses to believe me, so why should I bother,” is his reasoning. Why, indeed? Acknowledging a compliment and saying ‘thank you’ encourages people to compliment/praise you again.
B ~ Believe in the good things
In fact, it’s not enough just to acknowledge compliments; you have to believe them too. In the cycle of only believing the bad, the power of those negative words becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. People believe they will fail, so don’t even attempt. And it can be easy to think that by refusing a compliment you’re being ‘modest’. But real modesty is showing an awareness of your weaknesses and your strengths.
Don’t try and second-guess people. A classic ‘second guess’ from marriage: ‘He only says I look nice because he wants us to leave now.’ That kind of thinking will undermine your confidence – you won’t be able to accept any compliments if you think everyone has an ulterior motive. Maybe your other half thinks you genuinely look good. Choose to believe them. You’ll be happier and they will be encouraged to be honest with you because they will know you genuinely value their opinion.
C ~ Collect compliments
In work we have recently initiated an ‘Ego wall’ where as a team we keep a record of the thank you’s we have received for ‘a job well done’. Not only does that give us a boost when things get tough, but when we are having a hard time with a client we can look at the wall and say ‘we get it right a lot of the time’.
On a personal level, a diary or journal of ‘encouraging things people say’ can be just as useful. Collecting your compliments in a way that acts as a handy reminder will help you remain confident that you can do what you do and you can do it well!
Written by Jon Matthias. Posted on 9th April.
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