Relationship break down
It’s happened to nearly all of us at some stage. There’s nothing more lovely than giving or receiving love, but when a relationship breaks down it can be awful.
It isn’t just a boyfriend/girlfriend, husband/wife thing. It can be between mother and daughter, father and son, best friend and best friend - and none of it is easy.
Coping with the pain in your heart can be monumental. I’ve experienced it quite recently with a good friend of mine. It was distressing and upsetting and it wasn’t even happening to me! She came through it with time and is now a new woman - but it was one of the most painful things I’ve witnessed. I decided to write down some things that we both learnt. I’d been in her shoes many years ago so I knew where she was coming from, but until that person lives through the pain it’s difficult to reassure them that they will get through it!
You are not alone
No matter how bleak or how desperate the place you arrive at is… there’s always someone to talk to. Turn to your friends (that’s what they’re there for!), your family, a support group, your doctor. Talk it through. Cry about it, shout about it, but don’t think you are the only one to have ever felt that way.
Don’t carry the burden on your own
When you start to talk about it you’ll soon find lots of people have had a similar experience and can offer some sound advice. It may not be the right advice for you but you’ll learn from how other people dealt with their problems. It’ll give you strength to realise that a problem shared really is a problem halved! You’ll literally feel the weight lifting from your shoulders.
People do understand how you feel
No one wants to see the people they love suffer. It’s painful for them too. They’re reaching out to you and they want to understand so help them to understand how you feel. If you are upset with a family member then talk to another relative about the problem. They will know you both quite well so will be able to give you advice and maybe even act as mediator.
You will learn to trust again
It’s human nature. You can’t help but like someone who treats you nicely and respects you. If you’ve left a long and volatile relationship, you’ll need to grieve for what you have lost, and come to terms with the situation. If you’ve left your family home or your lover, the emotional rollercoaster you’ll travel is part of the process to mend your heart. You will learn from it and emerge a stronger person.
Learn to love yourself
If your broken relationship has left you feeling like you aren’t worth much, it’s time to learn how to be kind to yourself. You are not defined by a relationship, or a lack of one. Take time to appreciate who you are as an individual – your strengths, qualities and general wonderfulness. Don’t allow negative comments or feelings of rejection to hang over you. Instead of dwelling on a relationship that has broken down, embrace this time as a new start. Do things that you enjoy and surround yourself with friends who know you well and will encourage you. Take note of the things that make you feel better and learn to enjoy life again!
Do you have a tip that can help someone get over a break-up? Why not share it in the forum?
Written by Emma Samuel. Posted on 16th June.
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