Hollywood vs. Real life
What is marriage really like?
Here’s a quick movie quiz
1. Name five movies that feature ‘true love’.
- Done it?
2. Next, name five movies that feature the typical scene where a passionate couple rip off each others’ clothes and fall into bed in the middle of the afternoon.
- Easy, right? There are loads of them.
3. Now, name five movies that feature a relationship that made you think, ‘this relationship reminds me of my own!’
- Are you struggling? Me too!
Hollywood tends to linger around the initial falling-in-love stage of a relationship. It’s often portrayed as an exhilarating experience when you aren’t in control of your emotions and everything is simply marvellous. For some people this might ring true, while for others the reality is much more subtle, but the problems start when we expect real life to be like the movies.
That thing just isn’t real
When we look to the big screen for a picture of the typical relationship, we see two gorgeous people with an abundance of energy, libido and nice underwear, neither of whom have spots, periods, grumpy moods or headaches… ever. The trouble with looking for the ‘movie experience’ is that it just doesn’t exist. In the meantime, we miss out on real life. Or even worse – we let great relationships go because they don’t match up to our unrealistic expectation of what love is supposed to be like.
The truth is, very few marriages look like the movies. Most marriages feature two imperfect people, plenty of baggage, insecurities, long days at work, evenings in front of the telly, bad hair days, and socks all over the bedroom floor. These things are normal.
Marriage isn’t Hollywood. But that doesn’t mean it’s not wonderful! Marriage is what you make of it. Obviously, it’s important to start with a good base… i.e. a carefully chosen partner, realistic expectations, a willingness to work at it and a commitment to love each other for the rest of your lives. With those things in place, you can build a relationship that is beautiful, long-lasting and hugely fulfilling.
The best bits
The best things about marriage are the things you just don’t see in the movies. Knowing that your partner knows you better than anyone else and still chooses to get up each morning and love you despite all your imperfections… that’s the good stuff.
Growing together over the years then looking back on a shared life of marriage, children, good times and bad times, none of it blockbuster material but all of it yours – and still being together to share it… that’s the good stuff.
If you hope for something that just doesn’t exist, you’ll soon be disappointed, disillusioned and dissatisfied with what you have. And you’ll miss out on the fantastic things that you DO have. Marriage won’t solve your problems and it won’t guarantee happiness. It won’t be easy, and it won’t ever be like in the movies. But reality beats fairytales every time, and the reality of a great marriage is up there with the best things in life.
Want to know more about marriage? Take a look at our article Marriage the early years
Written by Becky Matyus.
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