Know your neighbours
Being neighbours with someone is an odd relationship. It’s rare that you know your neighbours before you move in. You may find you click with the people next door, or maybe the only thing you have in common is a post code.
There are two extreme views of ‘neighbours’ on TV. One is the soap opera, which features various residents of a particular street who seem to go into each other’s houses all the time and know everything about each other. The other view comes from programmes like ‘Neighbours from hell’ which like the soap opera also seems to feature the same story every week: there was a disagreement and it turned out the neighbour was a psycho and before you know it they had burned down the shed/carved obscenities in the car paintwork/poured bleach on the lawn.
Programmes like that can colour your view of the community. But in reality I have some lovely neighbours in my street. The family next door have been very helpful to us when we have had building work done. I regularly chat to the guys who run their own business from home. And I’m on friendly nodding terms with many more.
Golden Rules
In our case, knowing our neighbours is perhaps unavoidable. The houses open out onto the street. There are no front gardens. You can’t not see each other. But still I think there are some golden rules to follow if you want good neighbours, particularly if you’ve just moved to a new area.
1: To have good neighbours, be a good neighbour
This can be as simple as making sure that you put the bins out on the right day and not allowing old mattresses to stack up in your front yard. Park sensibly. Don’t play incredibly loud music until 3am. Basically, think about the effect your actions have on other people.
2: Be visible
It can be really easy to miss out on connecting with people because you don’t see them. Rush out the house to drive to work, rush in from work, eat some tea, rush out again to whatever you’ve got on in the evening, get home late, go to bed, wake up and start all over again.
That lifestyle is more than just stressful, it can be lonely too. Instead, being visible is about consciously taking steps to meet and see people. Can you use local shops or a local bakery? If you live in a terraced street, try washing your car in front of your house and see how many people stop to talk. Join a local community action group or residents panel. Drop in for a drink at the pub. Or simply take the dog for a walk down to the nearest park and say ‘hi’ to people you meet.
That might take you out of your ‘comfort zone’. It may feel very daring to say ‘hello’ and talk to a stranger. But there’s a thrill in taking a risk. And it’s not that risky, really.
3: Give it time
Often we may think that other people are too busy to talk, but I’m always amazed by how much information people will give about themselves when I hardly know them. And they can be quite intimate details too – life with an alcoholic stepmother, frustrated ambitions and dreams, an impoverished childhood lived without shoes. I didn’t really ask. We just got chatting and they talked and talked.
But it can take time to reach that point. Sometimes several nods and ‘hellos’ in passing lead up to a bigger conversation while waiting in line in the post office or chip shop. Sometimes they don’t.
The greatest gift you can give someone is time. Whether that’s ten minutes of the rather clichéd ‘over the garden hedge conversation’ (I’ve had my share of those!) or chatting over a cup of tea at the local car boot sale, all relationships are based on spending time together. And if you’re willing to give a little time you might find that’s when good neighbours become good friends.
Written by Jon Matthias. Posted on 24th July.
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