What NOT to say to a single friend
If you’re single, you’ll know all about those dreaded moments when a normally respectful friend asks a probing question about your private life. If you’ve been guilty of asking the questions… shame on you. Next time you’ll know better.
When I told a few single friends that I was writing this article, I was met with groans as they recalled those awful situations and shared the most unhelpful comments they had heard.
1. Are you still single?
A simple “yes” will usually suffice, but this can often open the flood gates to the dreaded “why?” question. And there is just no good answer to this question. Ever. If you’ve found one, tell me because I’d really like to know.
2. As soon as you stop looking for ‘the one’, you’ll find them.
Oh I see. I’m putting off all potential suitors with an apparent air of frantic desperation, am I? But as soon as I accept that I’m happy being single (which I am), they’ll all come flocking (which they aren’t)? So if they aren’t, apparently I only have myself to blame because if I really was happy being single, I’d be snapped up!
Honestly, in the face of logic as skewed as this, all you can really do is smile, nod and bite your lip.
3. What about so-and-so? They seem nice enough.
I’m sure they are, but “nice enough” isn’t exactly a glowing recommendation. Even if I do think they’re nice there’s no guarantee they will reciprocate. I prefer to believe that relationships are about mutual attraction and respect, rather than making do with “nice enough”.
4. (From newlyweds) I just want you to be as happy as we are.
I suggest you smile and try to remember that even when you’re single you can still be happy for your newly married friends, no matter how smug they are.
5. (Usually aimed at women) You career girls don’t leave enough time for a relationship.
Quick – call NASA, call the Prime Minister! I seem to have discovered the science of time travel and gone back to the 1920s when women had to choose between a man and a career!
Despite what friends and family may think, most people are capable of doing two things - like having a career and a relationship - at once. But if you’re not currently in a relationship, why shouldn’t you spend some time on your career?
6. My parents were married with a baby on the way at your age. What are you waiting for?
Thank you for introducing my age into this conversation! Everyone knows how much people enjoy discussing their age, especially in conjunction with their single status.
There isn’t one set plan which everyone must conform to, so don’t sweat it. If we all did the same thing at the same time it’d be a pretty boring life.
7. (At a wedding) Don’t worry, you’ll be next.
This is almost insulting. Never mind the fact that I’m single at a wedding – which can be a bit of a struggle for even the hardiest singleton now and then – but now you’re telling me that I’ll be walking down the aisle next? What do you know that I don’t?
Unless this is followed immediately by a proposal of marriage, just smile, nod and try to resist the urge to drown your sorrows in an extra glass of champagne.
8. Maybe you’re just too picky for your own good.
Maybe you’re right. Maybe I should just accept the first offer that comes along. Who cares if it’s someone totally inappropriate, at least I wouldn’t be single anymore. Or maybe, just maybe, I’m holding out for someone really worth waiting for.
So if you have ever asked a single friend any of these questions, I suggest you ask for their forgiveness and remember that you were single once.
And if you’re single and find yourself facing these conversations, try to look upon each test of your patience as an opportunity to grow in compassion, dignity and – though it might hurt to keep biting your lip – self control!
Written by Jo Menzies. Posted on 26th November.
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