Friendship that works
It’s great to have friends we can laugh and cry with; people we trust and love. Rob Parsons looks at what happens when trust has been broken.
Communication is key : If the friendship is one you value, then you’ll long to sort things out.
Talk to your friend : You may find it’s all been a misunderstanding. It can be a time for explanations, apologies and reassurances, which will make your friendship even stronger.
Or your friend may confirm that he meant what he said – which will hurt you even more. It could be that he has felt hurt by something you did. This is a time for calm discussion, rather than arguing and getting the last word.
Time out : If you both feel you can’t resolve it while you’re still hurt and angry, then you might agree you need some space. Take time out, then get together again at a later date to try to resolve things.
Forgiveness : Forgiveness isn’t easy. It doesn’t deny the fact that you’ve been hurt, but it does enable you to let go and put it behind you.
Bringing baggage : When you’ve been hurt, it’s worth asking yourself whether you’ve really been let down, or if it’s just the way it seems. We bring our own ‘baggage’ to all our relationships.
Learn from it : It might be that your friend has let you down because she feels you let her down first. Ask yourself whether there’s anything you have done to offend her. If this is the case, try to forgive yourself, just as you would forgive your friend. And wherever the fault lies, try to learn from it.
Handling rejection : Sometimes things can’t be made right. If your friendship was always one way, it could be best for both of you to let go of the relationship and move on. Quite often, in a situation like this, you will drift apart gradually.
If a loved and trusted friend has seriously let you down, how do you handle rejection? Don’t let it colour your view of yourself. Remind yourself that you have other friends who value you, and work on those friendships.
Seeing the best in each other : Usually the difficulties can be resolved. Your friendship might be different – but you’ll still be friends, and wiser than before. Acknowledge your hurt, but agree not to hold it against each other. Focus on forgiveness, on seeing the best in each other, and on working at your friendship.
Photo by Katie Williams
Written by Rob Parsons. Posted on 26th October.
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