Making it work long distance
When I say ‘long distance relationship,’ what’s the first thing that springs into your mind? For me, it’s telephone adverts.
In fact, I could probably sum up my expert knowledge of long distance relationships with a few slogans brought to us by the people who make a tidy profit from the whole thing. That’s right, “it’s good to talk,” “we’re better, connected,” and of course, “the future’s bright” – or is it?
It’s good to talk
In the two years that my husband and I were together before we got married, we didn’t spend a whole lot of time actually together. We weren’t even in the same time zone for more than half of that time. But we both feel that it was the time apart that cemented the relationship, because we were forced to talk about everything.
Now this wouldn’t be so strange if our entire relationship hadn’t already been built on talking. We were friends for years, and what we did was talk – over a pint, on rambles, over late night coffees. But when our relationship went long distance, it wasn’t easy to talk at first. Everything felt different. Over the phone, you can’t say ‘I’m sorry’ with a hug. You have to just say it.
It’s a lot harder to resolve a fight long distance. I remember the first time I actually hung up the phone in the middle of a difficult conversation; a few minutes later when I tried to call back to apologise, the phone line and internet in my flat had gone dead and my mobile was out of credit. I was so worried Mr S. thought I was giving him the silent treatment. In reality, he didn’t even realise I had hung up on him.
The future’s bright
The hardest part about making our relationship work across the time zones wasn’t finding somewhere private to take a call late at night in a tiny, shared flat, or saying goodbye at the airport, or the moments when I had trouble believing that I was talking to a physical person somewhere and not just a voice in my computer. Those things were hard, especially the goodbyes, but for me, making the decision about our future together was the hardest part.
There is no point putting in the time, the tears, and the sheer hard graft it takes to make a long distance relationship work if you don’t feel hopeful for the future. But at some point, you both have to commit to a future together in the same place or go your separate ways.
We’re better, connected
But don’t worry; if you are in a long distance relationship, you may have an advantage over all of those couple-y couples you seem to bump into everywhere. While they’ve been out playing miniature golf or watching on-screen explosions together, you’ve spent all of that time talking to each other. You already know how the other person feels about the big questions in life: kids, the city or the country, night owl or early bird, spend or save, Sean Connery or Roger Moore. You know that the two of you make a great team, and you know how to get through some of the obstacles – like distance and dodgy telecom companies – that life throws your way.
Tips for thriving in a long distance relationship:
• Arrange times to speak, and stick to them. Look into ways you can talk for free, e.g. over the internet.
• See each other as much as you can, and economise in other areas. But try not to fantasize about the perfect visit – unrealistic expectations are not your friend!
• Don’t be afraid to talk about the relationship.
• Enjoy the highs and the lows! When you near someone, it’s easy to take them for granted. Now that you're apart, use this time to appreciate the qualities that make your significant other special.
How do you know if your relationship can stand up to the test? Find out here.
Written by Johanna Shepherd. Posted on 25th February.
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