Settle for Mr. Good Enough
A while ago I came to the conclusion that the notion of ‘The One’ is just a myth. And it seems I’m not alone!
American author Lori Gottlieb believes that ‘Mr Perfect’ simply doesn’t exist. Her new book, ‘Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough’, has been causing a stir on both sides of the Atlantic.
Intrigued, I searched the interweb and came across this article in the Telegraph, which says the book suggests ‘older, single women often deny themselves any chance of finding happiness by failing to downgrade their expectations’. Ouch, I thought. Here’s another quote from the book: “Every woman I know – no matter how successful and ambitious, how financially and emotionally secure – feels panic, occasionally coupled with desperation, if she hits 30 and finds herself unmarried.”
Gottleib is in her early forties, and isn’t married, so some have questioned why single women should listen to her advice about finding a partner. However, others have praised as a common-sense antidote to all of the nonsense about perfection thrown at us by the media. And I have to admit, some bits do sound like common-sense – like this quote from an interview with ‘The Atlantic’.
“No one person is going to have all of the qualities you’re looking for, so if you’re always worried about what’s missing, you’re going to be perpetually lonely and frustrated. It’s human to think, ‘I wonder if there’s something better out there’. But it’s also crazy-making, because you can’t stop comparing. Like ‘So-and-so wasn’t as creative as my last boyfriend’. Or ‘So-and-so doesn’t excite me the way this person does’.”
I was interested to discover that a few years ago, Gottlieb’s magazine columns were more ‘Sex in the City’ than ‘Good Housekeeping’. In fact, five years back she wrote about breaking up with her boyfriend because there wasn’t enough ‘spark’, and deciding to go a sperm bank and have a baby as a single woman, intending to continue her search for ‘true love’ afterwards. Now, apparently, she’s eating her words. She sounds like she’s been reading an article by our very own ‘Kev Kennedy’.
Whether you agree with it or not, the book doesn’t pull any punches. Lori reminds women that while they are checking out men and wondering whether or not they would ‘settle’ for what they have to offer, men are looking at them the same way! Perhaps the question is not ‘Can I settle for him’, but ‘would he settle for me’?
What do you think? To settle, or not to settle? And guys, do you think she’s right? Head over to our facebook page and have your say.
Written by Becky Matyus.
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