Learn as you go along
The first year of motherhood can be a steep learning curve.
While I was pregnant, I read loads of books. Some of them were more useful than others. But the most useful thing was watching other parents do their thing. My mum has been so helpful, and I’ve learnt a lot just by watching her with the baby. Now that Eva’s turning one, I don’t need to use books as much. But it does take a while to get to know your baby and feel confident as a mum.
Helpful advice?
When I first became a parent, I was staggered at the amount of uninvited advice I got from people who I had never met. Commenting on babies seems to be a favourite pastime of older ladies! Taking my baby for a little outing down the high street, I had a steady stream of strangers asking me if she might be too hot or too cold. When my daughter was very small, a man in the supermarket looked at her stocking feet and asked me, ‘Where are her shoes?’ I remember thinking, ‘She can’t walk, or even stand up! Why would she need shoes?’
It’s funny to look back on the silly things that people say, but as a new mum this uninvited advice would make me second-guess myself. And while advice is very helpful, I would say it’s better to chose a couple of people whose advice and contributions you welcome and open your ears to them.
There are times when all you really need is a bit of reassurance. People are quick to offer advice, but I wish more people had simply said, ‘You’re doing really well’. Often we think it but don’t say it, and encouragement is really important, especially when you’re struggling to make sense of the little bundle of life that is now your responsibility!
Trust your instincts
Just one year into motherhood, I don’t feel I have much to offer others in the way of advice, but I would like to say one thing to new mums: Trust your instincts. As your child’s mum you really do know best. Of course you’ll make mistakes, but it’s essential that you learn to trust yourself, and have confidence in your ability to look after your child.
Whatever you learn ‘in theory’ before the birth, your baby will have a unique personality and you will get to know their needs and quirks as you go along. Having said that, she’s changing all the time! I’ve learnt to resist saying, ‘she usually does this’, because as soon as I say it, she’ll change the next day. Every time you get settled into a routine, the routine will need to change again, because your baby is growing and developing, and you have to adapt as you go along.
In so many ways, you were born for this role. So don’t be afraid to ask questions, no matter how small the issue. Test the advice you’re offered. But above all, trust in your ability as a mum. No one can do the job better than you.
Written by Emma Coffey.
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