Back to work or not?

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When you’ve had a baby, the decision about whether to stay at home or return to work is a complex one.

Mother carrying a baby in a sling

There are so many things to take into consideration – and what you thought you’d ‘decided’ when you were pregnant is not necessarily what you want once you’ve had the baby!

Here are just two stories from people who have been there.

Interestingly, I found most people assumed I would go back to work. No doubt returning to work would have considerably increased my kudos. Although people said they ‘admired’ my decision not to go back, I felt it was a euphemism for incredulity! I don’t think people admire you for staying at home to be with your children. I think many women find their identity in their work and, without it, they struggle. “I don’t want to be seen as just a wife and mum!” was a phrase I often heard…

There’s a rumour that going back to work is the harder and nobler option. It really isn’t true.

I miss regular coffee breaks, lunch breaks wandering around the shops, people to talk to about things that don’t revolve around the house and kids’ TV! I’m on call 24 hours a day and am required to sort out arguments, apply first aid, manage the household, and provide care, entertainment, attention and meals. In the short time I’ve been a mum, I’ve learnt that having and bringing up children is a gift and a privilege and I’m fortunate to be able to do it full-time.
Louise


I don’t think my work is more important than my family, but I do know that it enhances my moral, social and physical well-being and that it does the same for other women too. I’m grateful that I have the choice.

Being at home with no adult company can be lonely and boring. I believe that action-packed, quality time (making every second count) can be just as important as the quantity of time that we spend with our children.

I think the decision about returning to work or staying at home needs to be made by the individual parent. Every case is different and has its unique merits and drawbacks. I know that many women are eminently suited to full-time motherhood, but there are many who are not. It’s about choice and about making the right decision for you and your whole family.
Helen


Making the Choice

You’re trying to decide what’s best for you and your family. What should you take into account?

  • Make a ‘For’ and ‘Against’ list to see how the options look in black and white.
  • Work out your budget. If you really want to stay at home, decide whether you can make ends meet. Think about whether some necessities are really luxuries.
  • Ask yourself whether you really enjoy your job and if you will feel a great sense of loss if you don’t continue with it.
  • Talk to other people who have made the decision: find out the good points as well as the bad.
  • Try not to be rushed into making your decision. And remember that once you have decided, you can always change your mind if it isn’t working out.
  • Find out the facts before taking a tentative decision any further – such as location, cost and quality of childcare options; whether you could have part-time or flexible hours; whether you could take time off when your child is ill; how your career will be impacted if you stay at home.
  • If you are going back to work, decide as a couple on the division of labour at home so that one of you doesn’t appear to be doing ‘everything’.
  • Be prepared to deal with guilt - whatever your decision. Motherhood and guilt seem to go together like a horse and carriage. Once you’ve made your choice, face the guilt, deal with it, and then work hard - whether in the home or the
    workplace!


Material adapted from ‘To Work or Not to Work’ on Care for the Family’s Support Net. Read the full article.

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