Kev Kennedy's Blog

The bad firsts

In any group of guys who grow up together there are milestones – ‘firsts’ that someone will claim, whether good or bad. The first romance, the first break-up, the first sexual experience, the first child, the first wedding, the first divorce... and, to steal a phrase from Morrissey, the first member of the gang to die.

We had that last one early in my ‘gang’. At 17 my mate Rich just didn’t wake up one morning. Processing sudden death at 17 isn’t easy, and it made us all more worldly wise and aware of our own mortality.

A few years later I went to the first wedding of a friend my age, and about a month after that the Christening of the baby girl born to the first dad among us. Last month I heard that the last ‘first’ had been reached – the first divorce.

Ironically it was the guy who married most recently. They had been together a couple of years before taking the step and a couple of years later decided they weren’t actually compatible. They separated, she met someone else, and the divorce went through quickly.

It’s hard to know what to say. After all, there but for the grace go all of us. I truly believe they both worked at it. I don’t think anyone gets married expecting the relationship to fail. Maybe they didn’t ‘prepare’ well enough. The new Prepare for Marriage website has good ideas for any couple getting married to enable them to go into marriage with realistic expectations and a deeper, sturdier relationship. It may have helped my friend.

I’m aware, though, that there are no simple answers to why this happened the way it did, and blaming a lack of preparation might be too simplistic. Maybe some relationships are destined to end messily no matter how hard you try to prevent it. It’s sad, but there you go. Sometimes life is sad.
 

Created on Mon 20th April 2009 10:26